the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
