Whod you bang
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
