Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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