Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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