Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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