he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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