hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize