3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
