What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
