people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
