I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
