My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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