I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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