today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
