I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
