I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
