Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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