I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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