Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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