I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
