i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
