I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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