so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
