For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
