so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize