all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
