She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize