Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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