shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
