I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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