So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
