I showed him my bush... on skype.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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