Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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