He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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