I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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