i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my liver is dry heaving
I love you.
Bad choice
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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