Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
