Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
