Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
