Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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