new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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