don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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