her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
