my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
