Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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