theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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