Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
