omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
