I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
