I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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