theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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