So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
