Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
