Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
