all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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