he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
