When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
