in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
