Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
