Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
