Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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