I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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