I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
