My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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