I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
