Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
