im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
