he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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