So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
