i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
