so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
