Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
