my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
