that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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