but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
