Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
