Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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