Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
