grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
