she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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