God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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