I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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