i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
