Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize