i already hear my dad disowning me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
