she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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