So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
