I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
