hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize