i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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