oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
