I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
