Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
