I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
