Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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