So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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