if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
