she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
