her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
