this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
