I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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