If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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