so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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