ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
