Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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