I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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