I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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