I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
