hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
