Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize