He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You are a genius and a whore.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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