dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
