What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
50% drunk capacity currently
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
