So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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