I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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