Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
