she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
