Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
