evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
