The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
