I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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