Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
