and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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