Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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